The Proteus Guide to Ritual Etiquette

Most of Circle etiquette is the same as what your mother always told you about shul or church: "sit up, follow the service, have respect, don't fidget or mumble". A possible Pagan adaptation would be "don't fidget or mumble unless, of course, everyone present is doing the same. This may be their way of raising power!"

Attendance:

1. For anything on the regular coven schedule, we will expect you unless we hear otherwise from you. If you can't make it, please notify us before the established arrival time. Without such notice, we would assume you were delayed enroute and hold for you, thus inconveniencing everyone present.
2. Missing two regularly-scheduled meetings in a row without good reason or without timely notice will result in your being placed on sabbatical.
3. If an invitation to a Circle or other Pagan event, here or elsewhere, includes a request for response, of course you should let the hosts know whether or not you plan to attend. If you are expected somewhere and find you can't attend, notify your hosts as soon as possible.
4. Be punctual. If you are unavoidably delayed, and you find a closed door, knock very quietly or ring the bell once, briefly. If there is no answer, quietly go away. Apologise later.
5. Be sure to take care of any predictable physical needs (restroom, medication, etc.) before Circle, to minimise disruption of the energy. If you have any other special needs (i.e. to sit on a chair instead of the floor, a shawl for warmth if you have the sniffles), let the officiant know in advance.
6. Barring life-critical emergencies, do not leave a cast Circle without first getting permission from whoever cast it. Always ritually cut yourself out and back in. If people are holding hands, take one step back, then join the hands of those on either side before leaving.
   
   • If you know you may need to leave briefly during Circle - (e.g. pregnant women need the restroom far more often) - let the officiant know in advance and sit nearest the door. Leave and re-enter quietly, and try not to leave during particularly intense moments.
   • If possible, avoid time-bound plans immediately after coven meetings. That means it's OK to plan to go on to a party afterward, but concert or theatre tickets are inadvisable.
   • If you have an unavoidable time limit, please be sure to let the officiant know about it in advance, so there are no unanticipated mid-Circle departures. Most often, the best way to handle such a time limit is simply to skip that meeting.
   • Circle does not belong to the Clockworld, and it takes what time it takes. The duration of a Circle neither can nor should be precisely predicted. In token of this, we do not normally wear watches in Circle.
7. When you come to Circle, you present yourself before your kindred and the Gods. Try to come in a suitable condition.
   
   • If you are drunk or stoned, stay away, period.
   • If you are contagiously ill, stay away. We can send healing energy.
   • If you are injured or ill with something non-contagious, consider whether in- person healing or more rest will be best for you. Only you can choose.
   • Ideally, we come to Circle calm and centred. However, if you are troubled, you may want the support and healing of Circle. Figure out what will most help you. If possible, call the officiant in advance, so your need can be considered in planning the ritual.
   • Have a light meal or snack before. Don't come so hungry that you will be distracted or so overstuffed that you will be sluggish. If possible, come relatively well-rested and physically clean (if you're coming straight from work, you can clean up or grab a snack here.)

Contributions:

1. There is never any kind of fee or dues for participation in Proteus. If you are feeling flush, you are always welcome to bring food and beverages for sharing, or supplies such as candles, charcoal, or printer paper. These are welcome, but in no way needed.
2. The really needed contribution is the one that anybody can make: work. Please help as you can with set-up, cleanup, and the other occasional chores of coven life. This includes mucking out the bathtub and even occasionally doing a laundry load of towels.
3. If there's going to be a feast, and you have allergies or other special food needs, bring what you can eat. If this is something others can also share and enjoy, so much the better. But your restrictions should not limit what others can bring or enjoy.

Process and focus:

The Circle is a collective thought form. We all work together to enter "Circle state of consciousness," to maintain and reinforce our shared sense of being in a different and sacred space. It might be helpful to think of it as a special kind of mood. Like any mood, it can be dissipated, even by something as simple as using each others' ordinary names. Always be sensitive to the mood and the flow. Remember that long conversational side-tracks into unrelated topics will disperse the mood. Rudeness and vulgarity will destroy it more harshly. Maintaining focus, nurturing the mood, is everybody's job.

1. During the more "ritual" part of the ritual, only speak if your speaking is part of the rite, as in offering a libation. Do not interrupt working or worship in process unless you perceive imminent, serious danger or imminent, serious breach of ethics.
2. Discussion is appropriate in Circle during teaching sessions or when we take counsel together about workings or group business. At those times, only one person should speak at a time and remarks should be audible to the entire group. No side chat. Side chat is at best rude and at worst corrosive to mutual trust and respect.
3. Questions are expected, desired and anticipated. Don't worry about seeming foolish. Asking a question may make you seem like a fool for a moment; but if you don't ask your "silly beginner's" questions, you will be a fool for life. Remember, Gwyneth and Judy had to ask these questions at least once, too
4. Comment and feedback on ritual process are valuable.
5. Within our own coven, challenge, disagreement and argument within the bounds of mutual respect are also appropriate and welcome. They are usually not appropriate when guesting.
6. Humour, too, is an important asset of the Pagan community. Getting carried away with jokes at an inappropriate time and disrupting a ritual, however, is bad practice. One person's suggestion: "Stop and think before making a joke. Is it in keeping with what's happening, or is it going to blow the energy? Is it worth defusing a Circle?"
7. Once the Circle is closed, please hold all comments, questions or analysis until after you've had at least one good night's sleep, lest we disrupt fragile beginnings with premature analysis before they have had a chance to take root.

Touch:

Always remember that touch is entry into intimate space. Never touch without permission.

1. Some of us are starved for caring touch. Warm hugs and massages can be wonderful things. Our religion values and celebrates sex between consenting people of whatever number or gender.

   However, don't assume. Always remember that touchie-feelie does not inevitably lead to sex. Not all Pagans are polyamorous. Neither Pagan nor polyamorous means universally sexually available. Skyclad is a ritual, thealogical statement, not a sexual suggestion. Innuendo, coercion, and manipulation regarding sexual favours are not at all acceptable. NO means NO.

2. Furthermore, please be aware that some others have had their space invaded in traumatic ways, and these people need clear boundaries and full control of their personal space. Or they may just not be in the mood for a backrub or a full-body hug. So, even in the case of non-sexual touching, always check first, even if just with eye contact, and be sensitive and respectful towards any resistance.

3. If someone is touching you in a way that you find uncomfortable, sexually or otherwise, please don't hesitate to make the person aware of your feelings. If the person doesn't stop, don't be afraid to ask an elder for help. You don't have to put up with it.

4. Magical people put a part of themselves into their ritual objects. DON'T TOUCH ritual objects, on or off the altar, without getting specific permission. This applies to people's personal tools, Tarot decks or other divinatory media, ritual jewellery (especially while they are wearing it!), or any other ritual paraphernalia. Do not touch any such thing without permission.

5. On the other hand, we regard our own ritual tools as teaching paraphernalia, and so any member of Proteus is welcome to work with them.

Guesting:

1. Coven raiding is not something we practice or tolerate.
   
   • If someone attempts to recruit you, let us know at once. Do not ever invite a member of any other coven to one of our coven meetings unless they have checked in with their HP/s. Expect us to verify this with the other coven's leader.
   • As long as you are a member of Proteus, clear it with us before starting to work with any other group or teacher. Please also check in with us before guesting at other covens. We won't arbitrarily refuse permission, but we would like to know.
2. Do not bring guests anywhere without clearing them first. Your hosts may need to know how many are coming so they can prepare the proper amount of materials or refreshments. They may also have some problem or incompatibility with the person you would like to bring. No arguments about this. Anyone has the right to choose who will or will not be invited to a private ritual, especially to a ritual in their own home.
3. If you would like to bring a guest to a Proteus event, check with the officiant, the person whose home we're meeting in and the coven leader at minimum. (Yes, we know that may be all the same person.) If practicable, it's a good idea to check with all other coven members.
4. Should you invite a person to an event, you remain responsible for that person. Educate that person as to what they can expect, how to behave, and what is and is not expected of them. Ritual is not a spectator sport. Do not invite people who just want to have their curiosity satisfied. If you are not prepared to take responsibility for someone and their behaviour for at least a year and a day, don't invite them.
5. In general, when visiting other groups, if you see something different from what you're used to, make sure you know what this practice or object means to them before you judge. Different does not necessarily mean unethical, and there are some actual differences of ethics between Traditions and covens.
   If your question is about symbolism or technique, ask the officiant quietly later. It's almost never appropriate to break the flow of their ritual with such questions. However, if they are completely unwilling to respond to honest and respectful curiosity, they should not be inviting guests.
   Even if your concern is about safety or ethics, barring imminent and serious physical danger, it's better to just quietly withdraw. If you see something disturbing while guesting elsewhere, please discuss it with us as soon as possible.

Miscellaneous:

1. Confidentiality: this is more of an ethics issue than one of etiquette, and you'll find a more detailed discussion in the Basics for Beginners essay. There are two points to be mentioned here:
   
   • Coven business normally remains within the coven. If you perceive a serious ethical breach, please discuss this with us first. If you are still unsatisfied following such a discussion, Lady Morvoren, Judy's Queen, is your next proper appeal. Unless there is imminent, serious, physical danger, all Craft disputes are to be kept within the Craft.
   • Gwyneth and Judy discuss all matters of coven business with each other, definitely including students' progress and problems, and decisions concerning initiations and elevations. All coven-related information is shared between us. The only kinds of secrets you can expect us to keep from one another are those concerning surprise birthday parties. Don't even think about invoking confidentiality to play us off against each other.
2. Get your assigned work in on time. If you can't, be prepared to explain why not. There are sometimes valid reasons, but an honest admission of failure to organise your time is preferable to lame excuses.
3. We have a regular covenstead, although we might meet anywhere if there's a reason to do so.
   Passaic House is smoke-free and clothing optional. We may meet outdoors in some place that is sacred for us, but obviously not for everyone. When we go there, bring empty trash bags, and carry them out afterwards, full.
4. When in a Circle, always go deosil (sunwise), NEVER widdershins (counter-sunwise).
   Deosil is the direction of the sun's movement, so most Witches use deosil movement as a way of reminding ourselves to always go with, never against, the natural flow of Nature. Unless you are specifically directed otherwise, whenever you move, or pass anything, within a ritual Circle, the proper direction is deosil. Certainly, this is the custom in Proteus.
   If you are confused what that direction is, put your right hand in. When your right hand is toward the Centre of the Circle, you are facing deosil. This is also the origin of the phrase "right hand path," which simply means work in accordance with Nature's own flow, and does not imply anything at all about handedness.
5. Important: These rules apply to Proteus Coven. Descendant covens may - and should - modify them to suit local needs.

Judy and Gwyneth

We'd like to thank the following Craft kindred for input and suggestions for this compilation:
A. G. a. T., Ashta'ar-Arthura, Hermes, Iontas, Kalisha, Moose, Morven, Otter, Ryo-nan, Shade, Songdog, Starspawn

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The address of this page is: http://www.proteuscoven.org/proteus/frntgate/manners
Last revision: May 15, 2004