Tough Healing:
Bringing an Oathbreaker Back Home


    As Witches, in our Dedication, Initiation and Elevation rituals, we give and take oaths, nor do we do this lightly. Yet none of us is perfect, and some will slip. Most such slips are handled quietly and simply, one on one: a word of reminder, an acknowledgement of error, both sides knowing that, whatever other mistakes may be made, this one will not be repeated. Who of us has not on occasion been called to task by a teacher or elder?

    But sometimes even a single incident is of extreme severity. Sometimes there is a pattern of behavior, an implicit attitude, or even an attitude explicitly stated, that shows us that this person no longer shares our common values, no longer abides by our social contract. Perhaps they really never did; our initiation decisions are not infallible either. Sometimes we have to recognize that a person we held as one of our kindred is an oathbreaker, and therefore kin no longer. We can't take back an initiation once given, but we can, with terrible grief, take back our trust.

    When a person has stepped beyond the line of values and ethics that define our community, is there a way for that person to step back? All communities have the need and the right to define their boundaries and defend their values, so facile re-acceptance is a bad idea. And yet, if we accept that people are fallible, if we believe that ours is a path of psycho-spiritual growth, then logic demands that there must be some healing option.

     Priest/esses are fallible, too, and the procedure we are proposing here might also serve as a means of appeal from a banishment that seems unjust, excessive or arbitrary to the person who has been banished.We think this may serve our need:

1.    The person has to show us that they understand why we find their behavior unacceptable. They have to demonstrate clear understanding of what conduct we expect of each other and why, and willingness to abide by basic Wiccan values in the future. And they will have to demonstrate this understanding and intention to three elders well enough to satisfy each one of those elders that the person "got it."

         For sake of fresh perspective, we recommend that one of the three elders not be part of the line directly senior to the person. For fairness, we recommend that, if the person feels before attempting this communication process, that any of the three elders selected is unalterably prejudiced, the most senior Queen available hear and evaluate the reasons for that feeling and possibly choose a different elder. For fairness, we must also accept the small but real possibility that the person might convince all three elders that no oathbreaking actually took place, and the matter be resolved with that.
2.    The person must take whatever action is possible to undo their action and reduce or repair any damage caused. They should certainly offer a direct apology to any individual who was personally affected. We recognize that sometimes nothing at all can be done, and would not let that by itself be an impediment to healing. We honor symbolic gestures and good faith attempts.
3.    A broken oath cannot be repaired, but it can be replaced. If all three elders are satisfied that the person now fully understands what we expect and intends to abide by it, then formally and in Circle, the person may take their oath anew, witnessed by any or all of the three elders, and anyone else the person and the elders agree to invite.

    We hope and believe that this procedure could adequately balance our need to protect the group's sense of self, based on religious values, with our duty to nurture each person and our heartfelt desire to heal wherever possible. We welcome the insights of our kindred.

    Blessed be.

    Meredydd Harper
    Barry Marin
    Judy Harrow
    Margot Adler

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